Sunday, October 27, 2013

Within reach of a full recovery

I've not written about my recovery much since I became active again professionally, but thought it was time. I'm making progress in a way that is hard to describe. Certainly composing new music and recording as well as limited performance has brought about a new hope for the future. This has also created a need for a more "controlled ambition". It is tempting to go full force already, but I am forced to learn patience on a new level. So much of this problem called Focal Dystonia and the recovery is hard to describe. So I will do my best by referring to a couple excerpts form Dr. Farias "Rebellion of the Body" that have helped me lately. 

One was the story of Miguel, a soloist in a major orchestra who had severe MFD. He was advised by his doctors to give up and move on, which he did, not playing a note for 2 years. Then, a year after working with Farias he returned as a soloist in the orchestra. Two years later he claimed "I've solved the problem with my fingers almost completely; I  haven't made a single mistake in concert since I started work". 

This quote really stuck in my head, and before reviewing it again tonight, it was stuck in my head for months as him saying "I figured it out". There was some sort of important connection that those words created in my mind and body; so I've meditated, played and contemplated over that phrase for hours. Before, I had made a lot of progress over the last 8 months, but was still playing with too much tension and struggling with certain techniques. This phrase or thought has created a new breakthrough for me. The ease and joy that I am playing with is increasing rapidly, though there are still days worse than others. I'm sensitive to the tension in a new way and can usually gently move it to the side now in the moment. There are simply things that have to be played either lighter or slower temporarily. Now what is stuck in my head is "I almost have it figured out". I can feel it in my mind, body and spirit.

It's hard to realize that there will be no true "physical" breakthrough upon fully recovering like those mentioned in Farias' studies, Jon Gorrie etc. It will simply be a change in the way our brain works, mostly through how our mind works which results in the physical freedom. I fully believe that this can happen for us, and that we can go on to grow as artists, teachers and human beings in a way not possible before.

Again, it is hard to imagine this recovery without the unwavering support of my wife and artistic partner, Encarnación. Her endless optimism and ability to live in the moment is something I aspire to. 

We are so excited for the coming year and to reconnect our art with fans, friends and supporters. See you all sooner than later. Abrazos, Eric

I'll leave with one more excerpt from Farias for those struggling through this maze of MFD:

CONTROL

You do not need to develop what you already have developed in the past, but to recover what you have left behind. The control has been with us all the time; it has merely been temporarily distorted. 

When we perform, a multitude of motor gestures are carried out automatically, following a sequence predetermined by the repetition in the learning process.

Control over the execution is not based on action, but on not acting so as not to interfere with the automatic coordination of the acquired motor reflexes. 

In order to succeed in restoring free movement on does not need to do anything. In order to continue the pattern of lack of control one needs to make an effort. 

Excessive control leads to a lack of control.